Bigboxophobia

This had me laughing out loud, despite the terrible, no good day I'm having today. There was no permalink, so I just copied it for you (from Saint Kansas):

Interesting new drug trial:
Are You Afraid of Large Containers of Condiments?

Trial Information
Summary: Rapid Treatment for Bigboxophobia using Realichex®.

Are you afraid to enter large, one-story buildings with parking lots?
Do you harbor a secret fear of 55-gallon drums of Miracle Whip™?
Do you have nightmares in which liberal friends spot you naked at Wal-Mart?
Have you ever considered clipping a coupon? Aborting a child?
Are you hearing voices, noises, or blue light specials?
Do you use words like “progressive” to describe yourself?
Have you entertained delusions like these:

I felt like…. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. - Amy Richards, New York Times Magazine [on why she aborted two of her triplets. -ed.]

My wife an I used to tell ourselves that we’re the kind of sophisticated urbanites who would never trek across the river to shop at some enormous, soulless warehouse store; then we got our baby and decided there’s nothing especially sophisticated or urbane about paying premium price for diapers…. Come for diapers, next thing you know, your're walking out with a 10 gallon can of olive oil and a 20 pound tin of rice crackers. - Scott Simon, NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday

If you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, you may be eligible to receive FREE confidential treatment with an investigational medication called Realichex. Participants who complete the study receive a $250 Wal-Mart gift card and a month’s supply of Wendy’s chili!
Call today to determine your eligibility. All calls are confidential.

Patient Inclusion/Exclusion: At least 18 years of age.Manhattan area only. Journalists currently undergoing treatment for inflated self-importance especially encouraged to apply.