Pretty Pretty Princesses

I generally don't tell little girls they are pretty. Oh, they are pretty, don't get me wrong. Beautiful, actually. But I don't tell 'em.

Girls tend to put a lot of faith in being pretty. Pretty is popular. Pretty is desired. Pretty gets attention. Pretty is fun. Pretty gets you places.

Pretty fades.

And that's the problem. Being pretty is an asset to be sure. However, if your identity is tied up in your appearance, what do you do when it is gone?

You buy creams, you buy colors, you buy clothes. You obsess. And if it all doesn't work? You see a therapist. You take antidepressants. You hide. If pretty is who you were, who are you when you're not pretty?

What do you do when the compliments cease? When the annoying whistles and cat calls are gone, where do you get your attention? You look in the mirror and see and aging woman. Who is she? It becomes a crisis of sorts.

So, when I see the pretty little girls, I try to find more enduring assets to praise. Wise decisions, intelligence, kindness, generosity. Imagine basing your self concept on these virtues! I know when I was a little girl I was often praised for my appearance. It was a motivator. The next time I would be seeing that person, I took special care to look good for them so they would praise me again. I still find myself doing the same thing - and it extends to my home and belongings. Have you ever purchased something and thought, "Oh, how they'll like this!" For me, it is a constant struggle against vanity.

Consider what you say to others and how it may motivate them in a certain direction. If you tell a child you were impressed with his generosity, he can do something with that. If you tell him you're impressed with his hairstyle, he can do something with that, too. You have more power than you think.